45 - A modern man’s take on providing for his woman

[00:00:00] Hi everyone and welcome to a new episode of the Deeper Podcast and today is a really special episode because today none other than my new man will be joining us and he's going to be joining us to speak about a very important conversation. In every single Q&A I do, I always get a version, a question around men and providing. Whether it's okay to desire a man to provide for you financially, what would that even look like, what is the exchange and do men even want this?

[00:00:30] So today I want you to hear what a real life example sounds like from a man that is connected to this providership. Because I think also from the side of men, especially from the feminist movement, we have been taught that in order to respect women, we treat them as equal. Which is of course something beautiful because we want to have the equal rights, we have the equal rights, we are equally capable and intelligent and deserve everything a man does.

[00:01:00] But something interesting happens over and over I see successful women, like really successful women that can easily pay for their own life, for everything, yet they all come to the same longing for a man to provide for her. Not because she doesn't want to work, but it's this feeling of that we as women, as the feminine, don't want to hold the leadership of everything all the time.

[00:01:26] And I think it goes deeper than that. I think it's even a more evolutionary sense of safety. You know, what if I need to spend all my time taking care of our babies? Have you got us then? And so deeper on today is like, how can I be powerful as a woman, even successful in my career, when I also desire a man to provide for me? And so we're in an interesting time in the world. Someone on my Instagram said it so beautifully lately. She said, we are now in a time in the world where women don't need men anymore in the traditional sense. Yes, she can make her own money. Yes, she can do love that.

[00:01:56] But yet after the feminist wave, we see more and more women acknowledging that they still have a deep desire to be taken care of. So what does that look like now? Let me, before we get started, make very clear that I see providership as way more than financial. For me, a man who is a provider is a man who is generous. Yes, that can be financial, but way more importantly, it's generosity and presence and care and love. It's emotional. It's practical. It's physical. It's men that are connected to their instinct to give.

[00:02:24] So yes, today I wanted to give you an imprint of what a modern man could look like. A modern man deeply connected to this instinct to provide and protect. And this isn't a man that's read all the data books or is in all the men's circles or is in the conscious scene or goes on podcasts talking about masculinity. He is a man in the normal world. And that's extra important today. I want you to feel what a regular man connected to his instinct can feel and think like.

[00:02:49] Before we get started, at the end of this conversation, I'm going to share with you how you can get the meditation, the embodiment actually that I recorded, especially for what we're going to talk about today. It's called Releasing the Independence and Opening Up to Being a Woman Provided For.

[00:03:10] And I really wanted to make sure that we created something for you to not just get and listen to what you're about to listen to and receive, but to shift this somatically in your embodiment as well. So if that's something you would desire, make sure to listen to the very end where it will share exactly how you can receive this beautiful embodiment.

[00:03:34] So today I'm going to be speaking with my man and I am not going to mention his name at any point here because I want to deeply respect his life outside of my little bubble. But we're very much going to hear from him. So I'm going to switch my attention out to you, darling. Hi, my love. Hey, Sophie. I am so happy you're here.

[00:03:57] I want to just already express my gratitude and my joy that we get to hear you and feel you and learn from you. I have a lot of questions for you because people gave me so many input on the Q&A. So there's a lot for us to go through. So I'm just going to dive in right away. My love, what does it mean to you to provide for a woman? Or maybe if I can ask it better, what do you see as your role as a man to a woman?

[00:04:24] I believe my role is to make sure that my woman can feel like a little girl. What does it mean that she feels safe with me? She trusts my leadership. She trusts my vision. And she knows that I deeply care about her.

[00:04:52] And providing means it can be financial. It can be taking care of certain things. But for me, the most important thing is that she feels like a little girl. For my giggle, I think you can hear that I feel like that. How do you take care of her? What do you see? Like, what does that include for you?

[00:05:15] I believe it is important, a person, either masculine, feminine, woman, man, all they want. They want to have someone who believes in them. They want to be seen. They want to be heard. So that's the most important thing I like to do. When she talks, I deeply listen. Listen. Listen. Not only the words, her bad language, her voice, her movements.

[00:05:45] So that I can understand what she really needs. So that I can provide what she needs. Because it's not always possible to convey the message in a local way. So that you need to understand as a leader what she means. What she exactly needs. So that you can provide whatever it is. If she needs protection.

[00:06:13] If she needs someone just to listen to her problems without providing any solution. That's providing. It doesn't mean that you buy the most expensive things or go to the most expensive holidays or the restaurants. No, I don't think it's about the money. I guess most of, especially young men, don't understand this situation very well. The only thing is all about money.

[00:06:42] No, I believe it's more than money. Money is just the way that you prove to the world that you can do something. That's the way I see it. Have you always been connected to this? Is this something that you were kind of born with? With this desire to provide and protect? Is this something that came as you came into your adult life? Have you always felt this?

[00:07:12] Or is it something you've grown into? Yeah, I guess I always liked this because according to legends, when I was four years old, when I heard that I was going to have a sister, I was so happy. The day she was born, I still call her my daughter.

[00:07:38] I always have this instinct to protect, to provide, to make people feel good about themselves. So, of course, I cannot talk for other men. But for me, it was always there. What inspires you? What activates that?

[00:08:05] Yeah, I guess I have this instinct, especially if a woman or a child or animal, if I sense that they need the protection, instantly I try to protect them.

[00:08:22] So, what inspires me is that when I see my woman feel safe and do her happy dance, that's my inspiration. Of course, it gives me the motivation to do more. Because I work for my family. I work hard for my family.

[00:08:48] I make money for my family so that they can feel safe. They can reach their potential. They can feel like themselves. That motivates me, not expensive watches or cars or penthouses. When I see people I care feel like themselves, when I see the hope in their eyes, it motivates me. So, what does a woman bring into your life?

[00:09:18] Why do you need her in your life? It's actually a very good question. So, I am one of those people who needs, I guess, nourishment, the feminine energy. Otherwise, I can get very destructive. What I mean is that if I don't feel this feminine energy around me, I get tense.

[00:09:46] I'm not able to control my those quote-unquote killer instincts. And my perspective kind of narrows down. That feminine energy, it always gives me a different perspective so that I can sit and calibrate my own thoughts and my visions. So, it's not only one way. I get a lot of benefit from the feminine energy.

[00:10:15] I remember before our first date, you said, I'm so excited to sit in front of you and to speak to you and to pick your brain and to hear your softness and to hear your soft perspective on what's going on in my life and what I'm planning to create and planning to do. Yeah. And I'm still excited. That's very cute. Yeah. So, what is the exchange? What is the exchange? So, let's say we go for dinner, you pay for dinner.

[00:10:45] How does that feel? Maybe fair or equal? Or what is the exchange there? Because a lot of women, when they think about a man providing for them, let's keep it at financial part, but providing for them financially, a lot of them say, what do I give back then? So, what do you get in return? What is the exchange here? To be honest, Sofia, I don't care about your money.

[00:11:11] I don't care if you can pay for the bill and these kind of things. But why do I care? When I feel down or when I feel tired or when I feel stuck, I need you to be there. That's the exchange. I need that softness. So, you can think like a meditation.

[00:11:35] For me, that feminine energy means like a meditation so that I can calm down and I can focus my own vision again. That's the exchange. And I really don't need strong, independent women. It doesn't mean that you cannot work or whatever. You can always work. You can do whatever you want. This is not what I mean. But I don't need your money.

[00:12:05] I don't need your independent, strong woman life because I already feel strong. I need softness. I need your feminine energy. That's the exchange. So, you just said it's like when I'm stuck or when I'm not doing well, the exchange is like feminine energy. And I know what you mean by that.

[00:12:31] But I can imagine somebody listening to this, they're going to think, oh, that means that I have to coach you or take care of you. Oh, no, no. So, what is the difference there? Because I know that's not what you mean. No, no, no. I don't need coach. I don't need mommy. No, that's what I mean. That's not what I mean. What I mean is that when I ask something, I need you to be there. I need you to be able to listen to me. I need you to give your attention. I need your touch.

[00:13:02] I need your softness. I don't need solutions. I don't need you to fix things for me. I don't need you to think on behalf of me. I need your smile. When I hug you, when I hold you, I need you to be there in the moment with me. I need you to see your trust because, yeah, I'm a human and life is not always fair. Sometimes I feel strong. Sometimes I feel weak.

[00:13:32] But when I feel those especially downs, I need to see that. I know you got it, my man. I know. That's what I need. And also, you know, I like to pick your brain. And I like to ask questions. I like to understand the events from different angles. So we should have a similar direction about life.

[00:14:01] So we should be able to go to the similar way. So you can think like, I am the captain of the ship. When we start a relationship, you get on board to the ship. So we sail from the port. Okay? So we are going somewhere. The more that we move, it is harder to get off the boat because you are in the ocean. So I take the decision, but it doesn't mean that you're going to obey everything I say.

[00:14:31] As a leader, my job is to listen and make sure that you feel heard. And then I take very seriously your inputs. And then based on this input and based on my instincts and my thoughts, I can direct and guide the ship accordingly. So I need help. That's what I need. Yeah, you need input. It's actually.

[00:14:58] Because I very much feel that you are guiding the ship for both of us. Yes, for both of us. It's not you doing your thing in life and me like just supporting you no matter what. That's not the energy. It's more that I'm. I feel like I can bring anything to you and you take it very seriously. Yeah.

[00:15:21] The reason that I gave a ship metaphor because I believe before starting a relationship, especially after 30s, both parties needs to be sure that the ship is going to go to the similar direction. Yeah. That's what you are envisioning. Because I have a vision, but it needs to match your vision as well. Then you can help. Then you can feel being trusted.

[00:15:51] And just to clarify for when people might be listening to this and think, okay, vision, vision, what does that mean? I think if I, I hope I'm explaining this correctly, but it feels like you and I have very aligned values for family, for hopes and dreams in this life, values in general. But I think also who you want to become this life or we both want to become in this life. And I think we very much agree with that and are excited about that.

[00:16:20] So there's a lot of alignment in where we want to take this life. That's true. Yeah. That's vision. Yeah. That's vision. Okay. Let me one thing clear. You know, I also my, my work, I work as a leader as well. So one of the thing that as a leader, what you need to do is that you need to make sure the vision is clear to everybody.

[00:16:47] Everybody understands where we are going to. And so whoever the leader in the relationship needs to make sure that what success is going to look like so that everybody can work on the same direction. If that vision or this success is not for you, yeah, maybe it's not, maybe it's not for you.

[00:17:13] You need to, you need to go to another ship or you need to be a captain of another ship. So a little bit related to all of this, a part of providing is also, as you already are sharing very beautifully, like caring for her well-being and how she's doing. And all the polarity books, they say we should share our hearts all the time. But a lot of women worry that if they share all their feelings with a man, that it'll be too much.

[00:17:41] And so I'm going to ask this question like this. Has it ever been too much that I share my feelings with you, that I share my heart with you? No, no, no, it shouldn't be too much. And I never felt too much. And you know it. I hope you know it. So we are not living in this cave anymore. So I believe the leader should be emotionally strong.

[00:18:10] Life is not fair. It's hard. There are many emotions. And I believe as a masculine, you need to be able to lead the emotions of her. So, yeah, you cannot say, yeah, I don't have time or I don't have energy. Yeah, maybe you don't have it. But you need to make it clear that, honey, I'm busy right now in one hour or in the evening or whatever. I'm fully with you. Then you listen.

[00:18:39] You make sure that she feels heard. She feels seen. Yeah, you need to be strong. You need to be strong. Emotionally strong. Yeah. So what does make a woman needy? What does a woman needy?

[00:18:55] Look, I believe, and this statement is true for other leadership realms, which means if you are a leader, everybody in your group is going to challenge your leadership. That's part of the game. That's the evolution. And also the feminine challenge your leadership.

[00:19:22] And she's going to push your boundaries. I'm not saying as a bad thing. Like it's just part of the nature, I believe. You need to be able to understand the difference between want and need. So what does she really need? You need to be able to understand it. You need to be able to understand it.

[00:19:51] And then if you feel like, okay, this is needy and this is not okay, you should be able to say it in a proper way. Okay. No, we don't need this one right now. Or we cannot afford this one. Or I cannot afford this one right now. You need to be able to show your boundaries so that she can also calibrate because she's going to challenge you. Everybody's going to challenge you.

[00:20:20] At work, on the street, your woman, your dog, your cat. You're going to be challenged. But the question is, how are you reacting to those challenges? Are you going to be able to control your emotions? Do you know where you are going to? Then it's going to be easier to say no or calibrate whoever you are leading to. And I'm just going to make up something.

[00:20:49] Let's say it is super clear that at that moment you are financially not doing okay. And you're doing your best to figure out how to find a solution. You try different things. You are not just sleeping or playing video games. You are trying. And somehow she just says, I want to go to this vacation. I want this bracelet or whatever.

[00:21:20] Yeah, she can ask those things. But you know your situation. And you know your heart. You need to be able to explain the situation and your plans so that she can understand what you're doing. She should be able to respect your hard work. You're saying like she needs to respect your hard work. And I'm just going to give this a slightly different word because I think for the women listening, it'll be a bit easier to access.

[00:21:48] But I think it's an appreciation for your hard work. Like appreciate who you are. What you are intentionally using your time on. Appreciating what you're providing for us. Whatever that means. But just appreciating what it is that you care about giving. Exactly. Yeah. Okay.

[00:22:08] But I need to say that again, I don't expect a woman to understand my emotions or my feelings or my struggles. It is my responsibility to make it clear what I'm dealing with right now. What is the stress level that I'm having? What are the things that I'm trying to solve the problem?

[00:22:37] So men shouldn't expect women to understand perfectly your current state of mind. Again, this is your responsibility to make it clear what's going on and lead properly. If I can just put a little Sophie Josephine in there. What I always teach is that the feminine goes in and the masculine goes out. So if you as a woman are spending lots of time trying to figure your man out, you're literally out. You're literally with your energy with him.

[00:23:06] You're trying to figure out his heart, his well-being, his state. And it's very different when you take responsibility for it. It doesn't mean that I'm not part of your heart and part of what you go through where I am. But I don't have to put my senses out all day to try to figure out where you're at. You will tell me where you're at. Yes. Exactly. And I can always continue to feel myself and to go in because I don't have to be bothered, worried about what may or may not be going on with you.

[00:23:35] Because I can completely trust you that you will communicate with me when it's needed. Exactly. Otherwise, you need a mommy. That's what mother does. Yeah. Otherwise, you need a mommy. I was going to have three comparisons. What's the difference between a soft woman and mommy? I think you just answered it. What is the difference between a soft woman or a receptive woman and a gold digger? What's the difference there? What's the difference there?

[00:24:05] To be honest, I told you this before. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand my logic because most of them coming instantly. So I can feel who is gold digger and who isn't. So it's going to be hard for me to answer this question. So let's say we go for the first dinner and I pay and she didn't even attempt.

[00:24:35] I don't care. I don't expect her to pay. It is okay. But does she really care to understand who I am? Does she really care where I'm trying to go? Does she really care about my feelings? And she's not a gold digger.

[00:24:58] The gold digger for me is mostly interested in show off. Is she trying to show off with me or not? Is she humble about it or not? That's how I try to distinguish between gold digger and the feminine moon. But yeah, this is my way.

[00:25:24] If I can give a very specific example, we went to a store today that is a little bit more upscale that you and I both very much enjoy. How was I not a gold digger there? Yeah, I know you're not a gold digger. Every decision you are making is about us. It's not about you. So if you want to buy something, I always feel that it's something about us. Of course, you can buy something for yourself.

[00:25:50] But I know it's not for showing off. It's just it's going to make you feel better. And then it's going to make me feel better. It's not like I want this so that I can show off. No, I don't feel this with you at all. Not at all. So you always think us. Yeah. Not you. Okay. What's the difference between a man who is a provider and an alpha man?

[00:26:20] Who's a provider and alpha man? Okay. It's an interesting question. A provider doesn't necessarily need to be the alpha man all the time. A provider can be anyone. And also when you say alpha man, there is a new research actually about the alpha creatures. So, so far we know alpha.

[00:26:49] That's the one like who is always in the front, who is always take the control and everything. But there is a new research especially with Wolf. They figured out that alpha actually not the one in the front. The alpha is in the back. So that he makes sure everybody front of him are safe.

[00:27:16] Provider, I believe, needs to make sure and also through alpha needs to make sure that everybody is safe. Everybody is taken care of. It can be financially. It can be emotionally. Whatever form it is, their first job is that everybody is safe. That's really beautiful. Yeah, that touches me a bit.

[00:27:44] What's the difference between a provider and a nice guy that does everything for his woman? Okay. I believe the nice guy's goal is to keep her. To keep her. Yeah, to keep her. So, I might be wrong, but I believe that he doesn't have the self-esteem so that he does whatever she wants.

[00:28:11] And I mean, it can be okay, but actually in long term it's not okay because what she wants is that she wants someone who knows where he's going to. If you don't know where you are going to and if you do whatever she says, she's going to stop respecting you. If you as a feminine feel that you're losing the respect for the person, that's not the nice guy. Sorry, that's the nice guy.

[00:28:40] So, you need to feel that he knows where he's going to. Yeah, if I reflect back at my own experiences, I think a nice guy can very much feel like he's very generous. He really wants to help, but he's also wobbly and uncertain. And so, he's not completely clear about who he is. He will mold himself and shift himself to fit her. Yeah. Whereas you feel like a very generous man. You always want to help me.

[00:29:09] You're always thinking about how to support me more, how to be there for me, whatever that might mean. But, I don't know. I think if I would want something that is very much against your values or not your style, you wouldn't go along with it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's what you need. Imagine, I need to give an example from work because it's very similar.

[00:29:34] Imagine you are leading an organization, hundreds or thousands of people, and you try to be the nice guy. Nobody is going to follow you. They need to know where you are going to. You cannot be nice to a thousand people. Yeah. They're going to follow you because they feel you know where you are going to.

[00:29:59] So, yeah, that's how you could differentiate between the nice guy and the provider. And you should be able to see no time to time if it doesn't make sense. If you don't see, if you don't hear no, I believe, and that's why I experienced in my work life, if you are a leader, people expect you to be assertive.

[00:30:22] If it doesn't match the bigger goal, sometimes you need to take the tough decision and people are going to be unhappy for a while or disappointed for a while. But you know it is better for the long term. And in the long term, they're going to respect you. If I can give another example, I think the nice guy, for instance, over compliments his lady. He gives her a gazillion compliments. You're so beautiful, you're so beautiful, you're so beautiful.

[00:30:52] Whereas you give me that compliment and it's once and it's very clear. Yeah. It's very meant and it's very intentional. I guess especially feminine can feel if those words coming out from a fear or confidence. If it's genuine or they're afraid to lose you. Yeah, that's exactly it. Side note, like with you, I've never felt that before like this.

[00:31:22] We are in a very deep connection here and I can feel that you're not afraid to lose me. I would be very sad. Yeah. I know. I would be very sad. But yeah, that's life. It's not always sunny. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what makes you stronger and you learn and you move on because you know where you are going to. If she's not going to be with you, yeah, it is sad. But this is your path.

[00:31:51] You need to move on. Keep going. Okay. Some practical questions. As a woman, what do we do when the bill comes? Do we offer to pay to be polite? Do we pretend to grab her wallet? What should we actually do? We can assume we're with a guy that enjoys. What do we do? Yeah. I cannot talk on behalf of every man and everybody has a different financial situation.

[00:32:17] But for me, as I mentioned before, I don't need strong independent woman. They can be no problem. But I don't mind to pay at all. And I don't really care if you try to pay or not. And I'm not going to allow you anyway. And I really don't care. If I don't offer to pay at all, is that an issue? No. No.

[00:32:44] But first, my job is to understand if you're a gold digger or not. I mean, if I understand, maybe I made a wrong judgment. If I think that you're a gold digger in the first date, whatever. I would still pay, but probably I wouldn't see you. But I don't really care if you try to pay or not. It doesn't really matter to me.

[00:33:08] And to be honest, maybe because of my background, but I don't like anybody to pay for me if I'm there. I've been trying to explain the women in my courses is actually what the difference is. There's a very big energetic difference between me feeling entitled that you pay for dinner

[00:33:33] and me really appreciating you, that you're taking us there, that you've arranged a lovely evening, that you're using your resources, time, money, whatever it is to spend that on me. And just humbly receiving that. I'm receiving it. Not feeling guilty, receiving it. That's energetically so different than being entitled. Like I don't, I still somehow, I don't expect you to do it. Great point. Great point. Great point, actually. Yeah.

[00:34:02] Yes, you're right, actually. I need to feel that. I'm not entitled to pay. But I will say, and I know a lot of women listening to this will feel this. Having been with men that are in the 50-50 camp, let's call it that, it has broken my heart to feel, to not feel on a man that he wants to, or he feels, he wants

[00:34:30] to take care of us, or he wants to, and he sees it as two independent individual people. If I look back at like the past 10, 15 years, it's always broken my heart a little bit. Why do you say your heart was broken? Now I can find the words for it, because I think it's like I couldn't feel a man connected to this, what I would now call an instinct, to treat me as his woman, whatever that might mean. But it's the same, I think your heart would be broken, whatever, if I, I don't know, if

[00:34:59] I wouldn't bring my soft, or I didn't feel like I needed to bring my softness to you, or my kindness, or my sing-songy, or I would just see us as two individuals, very equal-equal. So, and I, I wouldn't have any instinct to, to nourish. Yeah. Right? That's heartbreaking. Yeah, it is heartbreaking for me. And so I want to normalize that for women, because I think a lot of women, they struggle

[00:35:28] when these feelings come up, like why, why do I care if a man pays for me or not? And, and yeah, I didn't have the words for that either years ago, but I do now, like it's, it broke my heart. It was really painful to feel. Okay. Should I offer sometimes to pay something? I mean, you can, you can offer, but it doesn't make sense to me. Okay. But do you like that I do? I don't care. Like, it's, it's not like I, I like it or not.

[00:35:58] Okay. And it, I, what I feel is that it puts me in a strange position, which I don't really like to be. Um, say more, why is it a strange position? Um, it feels like maybe I'm, I'm, I'm not enough or I don't provide in properly. Uh, that's, that's why, because also it's my role to do it.

[00:36:23] And, and again, the money that I'm making and the money that you are making is for the family. It's not for me. It's not for you. It's for the family. And it is strange because if you are building a family, if you are in a relationship, which goes to the same direction, there is, in my opinion, at least, there is no my money and there is no your money.

[00:36:54] It is our money. Um, and I like to control the financial decisions. So that's why it feels a bit strange. It feels like out of control. Yeah. And I, I've heard you say a version of this before, and I think actually wrote a post about it, that you were at a conference abroad at some point and there was some, there was something big going on in my life and he'd already spent like, I don't know, half an hour, hour talking to me in the morning.

[00:37:23] And then I'd already made a decision that I wasn't going to bother you for the rest of the day with whatever blah, blah, blah, I was going through. And you literally said to me, Sophie, don't you dare not tell me the whole day what's going on because you will be telling me that you think I can't handle it. Yeah. And that I don't like, I can handle it. Yeah. Yeah. I can, I can make this decision.

[00:37:48] I can tell you that this is not the right time and I'm going to be able to at this time or I can tell you I'm here and I'm fully present. And if I, if I say this, on top of that, if you tell me, no, no, no, it's like disrespectful because I made my decision and I'm here. I'm not bullshitting. How do you feel about me buying you gifts?

[00:38:16] It's a complicated topic somehow. Yeah. Yes. It's the same, similar feeling. And personally, I don't like surprises. And also it's really hard for someone to give me a gift. So I'm very picky as you know. But I've given you a few gifts, a few very good gifts. Yeah.

[00:38:43] But again, it feels like out of my control again. I would appreciate it. It would be emotional, but I don't expect anything expensive or whatever. Um, yeah. If you think about me, it is enough. I don't expect anything to buy me any fancy, expensive things. It doesn't feel right. It puts me in a position. Oh, honey, thank you so much. No, yeah.

[00:39:13] It's not me. Not in nature. Yeah. I figured out that the way I can do it is small and thoughtful. And, uh, that's it. Um, okay. Many women, they love that a man, you know, organizes the trip. Like how you, what you did for us, that you took care of the flights, the, the car pickup,

[00:39:41] the hotel, everything you thought of the time you'd organized everything. And I think that a lot of women, that's like they're, that's what they're longing for, for a man. And the question I often get, is it actually annoying for a man to organize a whole trip? Like, is that, is that actually boring or does it feel like a lot of work? Like, how does that feel on your side? Because I think on our side, it can feel very heavy and burdensome and exhausting to have, to organize all those things.

[00:40:09] Not that we can't, of course we can, but it doesn't, it doesn't give me energy at all. How's that for you? For me, it feels effortless. Planning is my job. Planning the future is my job. And the trip also is in the future. So it should be easy for me to plan. And also I want my woman to have a great experience so she can lose herself.

[00:40:37] She can be that little girl. Like if I, if I tell her to plan for me or for us, she's going to be so stressed and she's not going to feel like a little girl. And that's, that's against all the old purpose. So like, I don't know if it's a masculine thing or not, because you know, I'm, I'm not in this world. I don't know much about it.

[00:41:04] But for me, planning is, is effortless. That's what I do. I plan. I plan all the time. But if you ask me which pillow we should buy for a house, it's stressful for me. Literally today. Because I don't know. Yeah. But you did figure out when the shop was open. And fun things we could do along the way.

[00:41:33] Like again, take the ship metaphor. Imagine the captain is asking you where we should go. What? You are the captain. I don't know. Which route we need to take. I don't know. I love this idea that like the, the man buys the home, the house and the woman makes it a home. Yeah. Like that's very much. And that part would stress you out. Yeah. Exactly. Pillows. Okay. I want to pivot to a very important topic.

[00:42:03] So what if a man that has this instinct or this role of being more of a provider, what if he goes through a hard time? What if he goes through hardship? So I'm going to build this up. What if he has a bad flu? So let's say you would have a bad flu. What do you actually need from me? Or what does a man going through a bad flu actually need from his woman? So of course I will have bad times. Everybody is going to have a bad time.

[00:42:32] But if I have a bad time, it is my responsibility to make it clear what my needs are to you. What could be a need? If I need to lay down for a couple of days, if I need a medicine, if I need a food, if I need someone to take a shower for me, whatever it is, it needs to be clear to you what I need. I shouldn't expect anything from you if I don't tell you.

[00:43:01] So for example, let's take if I lose my job. Yeah. And it's very stressful. And you are not able to provide for a while. And maybe you are burned out. But it is my responsibility to take an action and make the plan clear to you. This is what I'm going to do.

[00:43:27] And it includes maybe you can say, I'm going to take two months off and I'm just going to play video games, whatever. But it needs to be clear to everybody. This is my plan. And then you take full responsibility of your feeling, your situation. And then you say, then I'm going to start a therapy or I'm going to start applying this

[00:43:53] this job or I'm going to take these courses or I'm going to try to build this business. And this is what I need from you. This is what I need from you. It needs to be clear to you what I need from you. So what if you got into a depression? You know, in a depression, it's hard to give anything. It's hard to make plans. It's hard to keep the overview. What do you think that could look like for you or for a man like you?

[00:44:23] Is it what you just said that you say, okay, I'm going to take three months off, play video games, start therapy. And then we look again at what the situation is. Yeah. No, for me, it would look different. So in the beginning of this conversation, I said in this era where many people don't, they're not physically challenged.

[00:44:50] So emotional intelligence and emotional strength is important. So I believe men need to be emotionally strong and take responsibility and get up the moment they're done. So for me, if I lose my job and also, as I mentioned, my job is to plan, right? I should be able to have plan B, A, B, C, D.

[00:45:19] So if I'm done, I know what I'm going to do. If I'm depressed, instead of make you feel stressed, because what is my first goal? To make you feel safe, right? If I'm stressed, if I'm done, which can happen, of course, but it's still my job that make you feel safe. And you need to know what I'm going to do. You need to know that I'm trying hard.

[00:45:45] So if it means that I need to go to therapy, I go to therapy. If it means that I need to start applying job, I will apply job and I will share the progress with you. What's happening? What I'm trying? That's what I would do. Just don't give up. Maybe it's my nature. I don't know, but I would get up and keep fighting for the family.

[00:46:14] And if I need your nurturing, yes, I will need it. I will need more softness, yes. But I know if you see me trying and it's clear to you what I'm doing, I don't have any doubt that you're not going to give me any softness. Because it's not about the money. It's about where we are going to and how are you going to protect me. So what if a man is, for whatever reason, at the beginning of his career or yes, just a career that pays differently.

[00:46:43] What if he simply cannot financially provide for her completely, which is the case for most couples out there? So can he still be the provider? Yeah, of course. If he can plan. It's about more than money. It's about leading the... Yeah. Yeah. Leading the vision. If he can play, like, for example, we are in the beginning of our careers, of our life,

[00:47:09] but I know where we are going to and I don't make enough money and you are working as well. I need to be able to tell how are we going to invest? How are we going to save? What are we going to do? The planning. What is the plan? What are we doing with our money? What are we doing with our life? Life. Okay. Some harder questions. What if a woman is with a man that is not connected to this and thinks a woman should

[00:47:36] obviously pay half or according to income and the woman has a desire for her man to take leadership or providership, whatever we want to call it. What can she say to him? It is important to understand why he is acting the way that he is acting. So, what I am saying is that, is there any resentful? No. Let's assume it's not. Okay. There is no resentful. No. No. No.

[00:48:05] If I was in his shoes, I would expect that she softly makes it clear what she wants from me. And maybe I'm not aware of those expectations. First, I need to be, I need to understand her expectations. And it needs to be soft. It needs to be trusting, in my opinion.

[00:48:32] And if that man wants to provide, he should be able to understand what she needs. Okay. But what if a man isn't connected to this instinct? Is there anything she can do? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so, Sophie. If it's not there, it's not there. And there is no right or wrong. There isn't. If it's not there, it's not there.

[00:49:00] In my opinion, most boys didn't have a chance to go through very difficult times in their life. So they stay in boy stage for a very long time. It is sad, but I guess part of the evolution is that if there is no sacrifice, if there is no pain, I guess it's not always too easy to become a man because it's not easy to become a man.

[00:49:29] You need to go through some shit. Sorry for my French. Yeah. Yeah, you have to go through something. Yeah. Yeah. They need to be ready. They need to feel that. Okay. I got it. I got it. And I believe that's one of the biggest reasons. Why most boys are afraid to pay for the woman?

[00:49:56] Because they don't have the self-confidence that they can make the money. The money, money is nothing. You can always make money. If you know what you're doing, you can always make money. If you spend thousand euros on her, you can make it again. But if you're afraid and if you don't have the self-confidence, and what I mean self-confidence, I'm not talking about the showing off.

[00:50:21] In my opinion, self-confidence means that whatever the situation is, whatever the situation I am in, I got it. Yeah. I got it. I'm going to figure it out. Yeah, that self-confidence. Yeah. That no matter what life is going to bring in, you've got it. Yeah. To build a true self-confidence, true self-esteem, it's not about watching alpha videos on YouTube

[00:50:49] or have to look like confidence. You need to go through shit. And you know, I had a very, very tough life and I'm still alive. And it gives me the confidence. Yeah, whatever happens to me, I got it. I'm going to figure it out. Okay. I'm going to give a very simple, classic example that I think I mentioned in every course I teach. What if a man says, yeah, yeah, I'll take out the trash. Don't worry about it. And then he doesn't.

[00:51:17] What if a man isn't showing up the way he says he's going to? What does she need to get to do here and what is going on? And I know the answer is a hard answer. Yeah, I believe the reason that he's not taking the trash out, even though he said so, probably maybe he was expecting something from her and it didn't happen. And there's a very big miscommunication here. Like the trust somehow is broken.

[00:51:47] Yeah, there's resentment. Yeah, there's a resentment. Especially if that man used to take those responsibilities and make the things happen. And somehow he started changing. I'm not saying, by the way, the woman is wrong here. It's not my point at all. But there is a resentment here, in my opinion. Especially, again, if he used to do these kind of things. Trust somehow at some point is broken.

[00:52:17] So either he didn't understand her needs or he didn't ask the right questions to her. Again, this is his responsibility to understand her feelings and lead her emotions. So your question is what she can do. I guess she can find a way to ask certain questions to understand his state of mind and

[00:52:44] help him to ask her the right questions so that he can take the lead again, so that he can feel that she still trusts him. Yeah, but also that she... Okay, Elise, please correct me if I'm wrong. This is how I tend to teach it. If you go to a man saying, hey, you said you were going to take out the trash. You didn't. There's no single man that's going to be like, yeah, you're right. Let me change that. Because you're quite confrontational.

[00:53:13] But if I would go to you and say, hey, my love, you promised to take out the trash and it's still here. And I feel really sad and I feel a bit anxious that it's still not taken care of. And I'm just worried. I don't know what's going on here. That's a very different energy. That's a perfect example. Yeah. That's a perfect example because in the second situation you just explained, if the reaction

[00:53:40] is still negative, then there's something really, something big, something wrong here. If you come to me and ask me, hey, honey, you ask what's going on? Do you feel sad or what's going on? You never do this kind of thing. And if the reaction is still negative, there's something wrong here. Yeah. But if you come to me, hey, why didn't you take the trash out? What the fuck? Doesn't feel good.

[00:54:11] I can't even imagine speaking to you like that. It feels very, very strange. Okay. Last topic. I want to speak a little bit about powerful, successful women. Would you feel like the man if I made more money than you? What would that do to you? It would motivate me. It would motivate you. Yeah. To make more. It wouldn't make you feel smaller.

[00:54:39] If I don't have a plan, it would make me feel uncomfortable. But it's a good thing so that I can try harder. Or, like let's say she built an empire and she's making a lot of money. Then I need to figure out how to adapt this. Then I would learn more about the investments, how to make it bigger, how we can use this money

[00:55:04] for a longer term, how we can make it sustainable for the future. I would take the control still. And she can be creative. She can make a lot of money, can do what she loves. But I still need to plan the future. I need to know where the money goes, how we invest, what we are spending. I still need to have this control. Yeah, of course you can make more money than me.

[00:55:35] Happy for her. But either I need to game up or if I cannot, somehow she's a superstar. Then I need to figure out how to invest and still be the captain of the ship. What captain does? Plan. Yeah. And that's not because you don't trust her with this. Right?

[00:56:01] It's more because I want to make this very clear to the people listening to this. It's not that you don't trust her with this. It is that you want to give her the space that she can be creative and make and play and not think about all those things. And you keep taking care of the structures and the foundation it's built on. Exactly. I don't mean that she cannot invest or she cannot think about money. This is not my point.

[00:56:30] Again, my all answer is from my own perspective. I don't talk about the other man. It's like, this is what I'm good at. I can plan. So I would definitely take the investment and create an environment for you so you can be creative, you can be happy, you can be free to think about only your work so that you don't think about all the taxes, all the investments, all the accounting thing. You just create.

[00:57:00] This is what you are good at. You just create. You just smile. And I can handle the rest of it if I don't make more money than you. If I can share this, we had a very beautiful conversation at some point and I asked you, I said, okay, so what if once we start a family, I don't want to work anymore? Is that okay? And you said, yeah, of course. And I said, okay, but what if my career takes off even more? Would that be okay? And you said, yeah, of course.

[00:57:28] And you said, both those situations, I'm just going to support you. Yeah. Of course. Because I think this is where, at least how I see these kind of dynamics maybe differs a little bit from the quote unquote trad wives and all of these things. It is, you do not have the expectations per se on me that I am going to stay at home, bake sourdough bread, even though I very much enjoy doing that. Right? That's not necessarily the only place you see me be. No.

[00:57:57] Am I understanding that correctly? Yes, exactly. Exactly. Again, there is no you and me. There is family. Yeah. We do everything for the family. And if you are more successful at certain areas than me, then I'm going to support you. I'm still going to take the ship, the direction that we want to go. I need to be able to adapt. And I need to support you. You need to feel safe. You need to feel seen. You need to feel heard.

[00:58:27] I don't have specific idea of a woman. Either she needs to be at home, cook my meal, or she needs to work and bring money. No. It's not about these small details. I'm talking about the bigger picture. In the bigger picture, we are happy. We feel like ourselves. We don't act. People around us are happy. The children are happy. We feel supported. That's the vision. Okay.

[00:58:57] Several women asked me to ask you this question. So what if I'd already had two children from another man? Would you feel motivated? I don't know if that's the right word. Would you come in with the same energy of, I want to take care of her and her family? It's very hard to answer this question. I have to be transparent. And again, I'm talking only from my perspective.

[00:59:26] It would be harder to make a decision. But if I make the decision that I love this woman and I'm going to take care of her, which means her children also are my responsibility now. But it is harder to take these dishes. I'm not going to lie. Why is it harder? Because there is other men, especially if there is another man in the picture.

[00:59:51] So he's going to also be involved in the children's life. And he's going to take also a decision. Which school they need to go or the behavior that he's going to teach. So you need to be able to adapt those situations. So it's not like I'm not going to love those children. I'm going to love those children like my own. But also I want to raise children my own way with my own woman.

[01:00:20] And I need to be okay. Okay, there's another man in the picture. I need to respect his decision as well. Am I going to respect his decision? I don't know. It's like, it's a tough situation. But if you take that decision, okay, that's it. That's why it's tough. Yeah. And I know you're the person who's incredibly generous also with your love.

[01:00:47] And everything and everyone that is connected to me, you also deeply embrace and love upon and care about. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Final question. So when I started talking about this online, a message that I got quite often was, where's your man from? And then I said where you were from.

[01:01:17] And then I said, yeah, okay. It's just that country. I don't know if you want to share where you're from, but what do we have to say for a woman that, for the women that think, yeah, great. This man that Sophie's talking to, but it's rare or it doesn't exist in the Netherlands or. Because all of your friends that I've met through you are all like you.

[01:01:47] And I know when I met you and I said, wow, you are so generous and kind and caring. I've never seen that in a man like that. And you were surprised when I said that because you were like, everybody around me is like that. So what do we say to women that think that they might only have to go to your country? My country has its own shit. Yes, I know. So I don't believe certain woman or certain man are better in certain countries.

[01:02:17] I don't believe that. I believe it's about being a man or not. If they went through shit or if they know where they are going to. It doesn't really matter in my opinion. Where they're from. For example, my Irish friends that I keep talking about, but you still don't know who they are. So they're from Ireland and this is a completely different country than mine. And they're men.

[01:02:47] They take care of their women. They're so trusting. People feel safe and they're there. And they're not from my country. So I don't think it's about the country. There might be a correlation. If it's a third world country like mine, people suffer more in those environments. And in my opinion, it makes them stronger.

[01:03:18] So there might be a correlation. But I don't think if you are Dutch or if you are French, you are more men or less feminine or more masculine. I don't believe that. Even if I look at my brother, he's super Dutch. And I wouldn't say it's the exact same way as you. You describe these things, but he deeply cares about... Exactly. ...being a good man and that everybody feels good around him

[01:03:45] and that he can provide a loving home and everybody's comfortable. Yeah, he would be my friend. Like I met your brother and he's a special man. So I need Dutch. Yeah, super Dutch. Okay. Last three questions. I just want to get this on record. How do you see road rage? Sorry, let me give the example. You and I were driving somewhere and somebody cut you off.

[01:04:13] And I just had the muscle memory that I expected you to start cursing and yelling or whatever. And then you didn't. And I remember just looking at you and thinking, huh, what just happened? Because my entire life I've been around men that curse and shout in traffic. And I've just assumed that that is normal. And I remember saying to you, huh, why aren't you yelling and cursing? Can you please explain how you see road rage? Yeah.

[01:04:41] The road rage is a good example to understand if a person is able to control their emotions or not. Yeah. I guess the biggest difference between boy and man is that how capable they are to control their emotions. But by the way, I told you this before. I used to also go crazy on the road. And I was also a boy. Also, in my life, I wanted to prove to everybody.

[01:05:11] I was the biggest. But I was just a boy. I was an angry boy who wants to prove. But the real power, real strength comes from how good you are to control your emotions. That's what makes you make a man, in my opinion. So I love this quote. The best fighter never gets angry. Because if you get angry, your vision narrows down. You cannot think clearly.

[01:05:41] You cannot see clearly. Yeah. So getting angry is not a good sign, which means they are not ready. They are still trying to prove their worth. And they are not convinced with their value in this world. Yeah. I think you in the car, you said it very beautifully. You said, I don't give my power away to anybody. Yeah. So they don't get to make me angry. They cannot get in my mind. The moment they get in my mind, they win.

[01:06:11] Okay. Final question. What do you love about the feminine? The softness. The way that they feel. Sometimes I'm jealous that you can feel more than me. You can hear more than me. You can see more than me. Yeah. When you touch, it feels different. It goes direct to my heart. And it's very powerful.

[01:06:39] I feel powerful and important. I am. So yeah. That softness. I'm not sure if it's the same for the other man, but for me, the world is a battle that you need to keep fighting or you need to keep planning. It's like a chess or it's like a battle. But when I'm touched by the feminine, I feel home. I'm not in the war zone anymore. I feel home.

[01:07:09] And because I feel the nature is also feminine. The universe is also feminine. That's what feminine means to me. Okay, darlings. And thank you for listening to this episode for anybody that is interested in the embodiment that I spoke about in the beginning. So yes, I made a special meditation slash embodiment just for this episode. Never before seen one.

[01:07:37] It's called Releasing the Independence and Opening to Being the Woman Provided For. And this is both for women, single or in relationship. And here's how to get it. Leave us a review on Spotify or Apple and send us a screenshot of that. So let me share with you exactly what to do. If you're on Spotify, leave us a star rating and reply to this episode with your takeaway and send us a screenshot of both. Or on Apple, go to the show page, scroll down to reviews, leave us a star rating and a written review there and send us a screenshot of that.

[01:08:06] For either, you can send that to support at sophiejosefina.com. And we will get you this beautiful meditation embodiment in return. And yes, it only exists here and only like this. I am not going to be sharing this publicly. So this is a very special embodiment. Now, if you want to go deeper into how to attract a man like this, like you just heard, I created a course called Calling Him In where I share everything, the exact shifts, beliefs,

[01:08:35] practices, embodiment of the feminine woman ready to call in her man. And actually exactly what I did believe shifted to attract the man you heard today. If you're interested in that, make sure to check out my course Calling Him In on my Instagram. And there's a massive library there of video teachings and practices for the single woman ready to call them in. Or if you want to join a live course with me, my biggest, most anticipated, deepest course

[01:09:02] called Healing the Masked Is About To Open Its Doors. When you're listening to this, either the waiting list is open or enrollment is open. Make sure to head on over to my Instagram or website for that. We're going to go very deep into healing our relationship to the masculine in all the ways, like healing relationship to the father, to the partner, to the inner dude, and much more exciting things. Okay, darlings, thank you so much for listening. And I always love hearing what your takeaways are. Thank you.