44 - Why you dont need years of healing work to be ready for love

[00:00:00] Hi everybody and welcome to a new episode of Sophie Josephina and the Deeper Podcast. It has been a while and I'm so happy to be back because today I am going to treat you with a solo episode on something I really am deeply, deeply passionate about. Because if there's one thing that I've kept seeing in, or this belief that I see in the self-development world, in the healing world, in the relationship world, is this sense that we have to do all this healing in order to be ready for the healing world.

[00:00:31] We have to do all this therapy and be with all the child of trauma and do all these things to be ready for love. And it simply cannot be true. Because there's so many people with very beautiful, happy marriages that are for sure not doing the amount of development work that we are doing. So there's something going on there. And I'm not saying all that work is useless. It isn't. It isn't useless. I've done so much of it. I've done so much healing work, so much therapy, so much coaching, so much embodiment, so much somatic work.

[00:01:00] It's deeply valuable. It's deeply valuable. But it is not needed to be worthy of love, of marriage, of union, of whatever you want to call it. So let me share that a little bit more. When I became single about literally a year ago, I also wanted to know how to do this the feminine way, how to date the feminine way, how to call in a masculine man, how to do it consciously.

[00:01:24] And everywhere where I looked online, where I looked at resources, things felt very heavy. I noticed when I was reading it, I was like, It was a lot about, you need to do the healing work. You need to heal your childhood wounds. You need to heal your daddy wound. You need to do all of this. Because otherwise, you are doomed to repeat your past over and over and over again in relationships.

[00:01:54] And there's, of course, a core of truth to this, because that happens. We do, many of us, repeat our childhood patterns over and over and over again in every subsequent relationship. But there's also this feeling, I think, in the therapy world, in the relationship world, where it's like, You have to do this. Otherwise, you are doomed. And maybe you'll never be free of it. And again, there's just no way. The other thing that I kept seeing was this idea that you need to hustle at dating.

[00:02:19] That you need to swipe 50 times every day. Go on two dates each week just to get used to it. Just to experience it. Also with men that you might not be a yes to. Just to stretch what you think fits you, etc., etc. Here's how to make the perfect profile. Here's how to, what to write. Here's how to be strategic. Here's how to be mysterious but open. I remember looking at all of that and thinking, This is heavy. This is heavy.

[00:02:43] And there's just no way that as a feminine woman, things should feel heavy. Because if you know anything about my work, about my teachings, when we are in our feminine energy, in our essence, things should feel easy, actually. Because the feminine leans back. The feminine is led. The feminine is moved. The feminine is taken on a journey. She leans back. Her energy comes when she just is moved.

[00:03:12] For instance, in Sky Daddy, I teach you that even in relationship to the cosmos, to manifestation, to all of that, you don't have to work hard. Because if you're working hard, that's a masculine energy. That's a man that looks at the mountain and says, I'm going to conquer it. And a masculine essence person will love that. Somebody who's in a feminine essence, especially when it's about these really vital things.

[00:03:41] It's not her essence. It's not how her energy flows. It's not how nature flows through her. That doesn't mean we can never conquer the mountain. Of course we can. But when it's about the foundational things, like how we relate to life, to manifestation, to God, how we relate to love, to finding love, and all of that. It's very important that we come back to something feminine, something that feels good, that feels relaxing, that is opening us, that is relaxing.

[00:04:07] So, this whole idea that you don't need to do all the healing work. I already said one of the, like already years ago, I thought, yeah, I see it, but I also see lots of very happy marriages. And also, there's many not, but there's also lots of very happy marriages with not necessarily the most like people that have uncovered all their childhood traumas and are healed or perfect or didn't have any difficulties or whatever.

[00:04:36] So, that was my first hunch. My second hunch was actually a few years ago. I saw it in my girlfriend. One of my girlfriends, she had that pattern, right? She kept repeating her childhood wounding or attraction over and over again and every connection she had. And she also felt like she was doomed, like she was stuck in it. She didn't know how to break out of it. She didn't know what freedom could even look like or if it was ever going to be available for her. And then one day, she just met a really good man and everything just flipped like that.

[00:05:05] And they are so together. I believe they're going to get married soon and they are definitely growing all together. And she didn't, that didn't happen because she did all the therapy. That happened because she just met a good man. And then it happened to me. So, when I became newly single, the first man I had a mildly interesting connection to,

[00:05:32] I, I became so enamored with him after one date. I thought he might be it. I told him my girlfriends that. He was charismatic. He was interesting, successful, blah, blah, blah. And I just only saw great things, great things, great things. And there was something in his behavior that I could feel didn't make me feel so safe. So, I noticed I was getting very anxious. I was checking a gazillion times a day if he had messaged me back, which he didn't or very rarely.

[00:06:02] And I just felt on my system that I was very anxious around him. But I didn't connect the dots. I was still telling myself I met this amazing man. Because I was stuck in the fantasy. I was like, oh my god, the fantasy is happening. And I wasn't actually with my body. That was completely dysregulated. Also, I had done so much work. I hadn't been in any anxious avoidant attachment for years. And I don't think I even wanted to admit to myself that that could happen to me again.

[00:06:28] But what happened with that connection is that I, of course, communicated in the most chill way I could. Like being very feminine, but very chill. That there was something small I just wanted to speak about, but don't worry about it. That there was something bothering me. And of course, he didn't take it very well. And after that, he started pulling back until I barely heard from him. The whole time, I was pretending I was so chill. So I kept replying to him with how chill everything was and how cool everything was. And at a certain point, he really stopped replying.

[00:06:57] And I sent that man several essays about how chill I was. Spoiler alert. He ghosted me. Never heard from him again. And he was correct to do that. He was. So when I came out of my little obsession, because that's really what it is when we're in that space, I felt a little bit embarrassed. Embarrassed that I did that. But I also realized, hey, there's something we get to shift here.

[00:07:25] And I came back to Sky Daddy. I came back to my idea of how I look at God. I came back to the feminine. I came back to the flow of love. And really, in the matter of one night, I shifted everything. Everything shifted. And I had an incredible time being single. I've now been in an incredible connection with a very masculine man for a few months now. We're in an incredible relationship. But my time single was wonderful.

[00:07:55] It was truly wonderful. And all my girlfriends kept saying, Sophie, how do you do that? How are you the only one that's having fun online dating? How are you meeting all these incredible masculine men? I don't get it. We're on the same apps. How are you doing it? And I realized that I had something different. And that was something that the world needs to know. And what is different is that what really landed in my body is that there is no way

[00:08:21] that calling in your love, calling in your man as a feminine woman should feel heavy or like a hustle or like something you have to push through. It should be the opposite. And if it's not that, we're doing it wrong. We are doing it wrong. And instead of thinking, I have to heal all these childhood wounds and break all those attraction patterns. The moment you connect to the energy of a woman that is ready for her man, and that's

[00:08:47] how she's dating, the little inner child in you gives up her reins. She truly does. The moment you feel and you are landed in the woman that is ready for her man. Yeah. So this is why I made this course calling him in. Because I see so many amazing, beautiful women that are so ready for love. And right now they're not finding it. And I really want you all to find it.

[00:09:14] Because the world needs more real love, needs masculine and feminine to come together in healthy, beautiful union where they are supported in each other, where they get to be more of themselves because of each other. And honestly, there's so many thin men out there that we are not recognizing or we are not open to because we simply don't know how. And that's something that I very much want to teach you. So if you're feeling the pull, for sure, check out my course calling him in.

[00:09:44] It is about to start lying. And I really want to show you the way into this because you deserve this kind of love. The world needs this kind of love. Men are waiting for you. The masculine is waiting for you to stop hustling and be in disappointment and frustration or fear or princess or entitlement. Let all of that go and just come back into remembering what it means to be feminine,

[00:10:10] what it means to be woman, so that you actually know how to recognize your counter energy. And then it can happen like that. I was fully willing after I became single to be single for years. Like fully, this is a whole different teaching. But I was fully ready to be single for years. And all I did was just meet wonderful men. And I think I was single for about nine months in total. And I just met him. And we both knew from day one that it was something special,

[00:10:39] not necessarily that we are each other the ones. But it was just calm. And he's a deeply, deeply masculine man. Devotional, leading, generous, dominant in a devotional way. All of it. And I've never, ever felt so feminine in my life. I am feeling things that I've never felt in 35 years of my life. I feel an emotional safety because this man has self-leadership. I feel a softness because I'm actually taken care of.

[00:11:08] Not Daddy Wade, not Savior, he's not coaching me, none of that. I'm taken care of as a man to his woman. There is a softness in my body. There's a healing happening in my system that I've never experienced. It's in 35 years. There's a level of creativity. Because if you think about union, that's really what it is, right? We come together to create, right?

[00:11:36] Whether that's babies or life or whatever. But masculine and feminine come together to have more creative energy. If you've listened to my podcast about how I went through a conscious breakup and reasons to go through a breakup, this was one of them. Is there more creative energy? Because you are with this person. Because that's what masculine and feminine does together. And so since I've been with him, I have so many ideas for my work. I have so much inspiration. I have so much juiciness. I have so much vitality.

[00:12:05] I have so much desire and adventure and all of that inside of me. And so it matters. It matters who we share our time with. It matters who we attach to. It matters that we, especially if you have already an affinity with femininity, it matters that you find somebody that can complement that so you can be more of yourself. So that's it for today.

[00:12:33] I always love hearing what you're taking from this episode. So feel free to leave me a DM with your takeaway. And if you're interested in the course calling them in, feel free to send me a message or check my website because we're starting soon. And you can always join halfway. Absolutely. I create courses so that you can do that. But I'd love to have you know if you need to be there. Okay.